Rough Draft; Happiness comes from within.

8 Mar

My experience while writing this essay was a tad difficult. I struggled with the introduction because I didn’t know what perspective of happiness I was going to be writing about. Two, I ridiculously procrastinated like there was no tomorrow. Terrible, I know. I am honestly not satisfied with what I have so far.  Therefore, I am looking forward receiving feedback  and making this essay better.

(Ps – My essay is not completely developed.)

Does my tittle flow with what my essay is about?

Did my essay catch your attention? How? If not, why not and what can I do to catch your attention?

What do you think overall about my essay?

I feel like my essay is not persuasive at all. Can you advice on what I can do to make it persuasive?

Are there any points you think I should add?

Professor Menton

English 1 (Section 1982)

Happiness comes from within.

Perspectives on happiness have been presented in a variety of ways, such as, scientifically, religiously, and philosophically. Regardless of which way you look at it, people will always have different views and opinions when it comes to defining happiness. One thing we can all easily agree on is that happiness is looked at and found in many different forms, whether it is found in money, in religious beliefs, or in simple internal happiness with oneself. I believe that all forms of happiness lead to the same outcome, which can be described as a profound feeling of fulfillment that gradually spreads through every moment and endures despite the inevitable setbacks. I think the reason why there isn’t a definite answer on what happiness is, is because we were raised in different cultures, with different morals. However, I believe happiness is an internal process, and in order to strive for contentment you need to be able to understand and be aware of everything that going around within your own life.

When talking about happiness many believe that it is attained in an external form, such as, from having lots of money, when buying a new car, when having the latest technology device, when having dynamic experiences while on vacation and so forth.  When our desires and expectations are met we are happy. In contrast, what happens when the external things we place our happiness on have sudden changes? Our happiness rapidly vanishes and we recognize it really never there. In other words, the biggest factor of external happiness is expectations. We are only happy when things work out the way we expect them to. Although, our expectations are not met often, there may have been a few occasions when things went the way we expected.

In “The Geography of Bliss”, Eric Weiner, discovers in Bhutan that happiness means low expectations.  An example of how high expectations such as, can be an issue to our happiness, Karma, states, “I have achieved happiness because I don’t have unrealistic expectations.” (63) Which I agree, because I think when having “unrealistic expectations” chances are odd that you will reach that expectation that will lead to unhappiness, rather than having an expectation that you know you’re  likely to achieve.

I can compare unrealistic expectations with realistic expectations with an IPHONE. This may not happen in all cases, but it does happen.  Let’s say you’ve recently bought the latest version of the IPHONE which you’ve wanted. A few months later you come to know a newer IPHONE will be released in a couple of months. What happens? You’re happiness from the IPHONE you recently bought starts to slowly fade and your eagerness of wanting the upcoming newer version increases and increases, but you know you can’t spend money excessively because you may be laid off work and you’re trying to save as much money as you ca. You eventually get frustrated and unpleased within yourself.

Typically things go on opposite directions than the way we think they should. The only thing we can completely dominate is ourselves, yet we are allowing the exterior to take over control our happiness. I can certify that we set ourselves for our own discontentment.

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions” – Dalai Lama

Thus, I strongly believe true happiness is found within oneself. Internal happiness is about finding ourselves, being grateful of what we have, and most importantly being able to understand every aspect of our lives. Having an attitude of appreciation and gratitude for those good times strengthens that happiness you can experience today.  Find simple things to take pleasure in and reflect on the things you have, rather than the things you don’t have. It’s simply another way of a living happy within you.

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6 Responses to “Rough Draft; Happiness comes from within.”

  1. eng1spr2012 March 11, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

    Procrastination definitely doesn’t help. Writing is time and labor intensive. If you find that you are completely stuck, you might try to freewrite a draft. This is sometimes called a discovery draft. Just write whatever comes to mind. Then go back and read what you have written. Figure out what is most interesting in the discovery draft and use that as the basis for your next revision. Of course, if you have waited until the last minute, you will find that there probably isn’t enough time to revise….

  2. cindydeleon March 12, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    I agree with you, I found this very difficult! I liked you thesis, It made to stop to think about it. I think to persuasive the reader you might want to add some of your opponents views (refutation).

    • irmiita March 19, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

      super late to your response lol I will work on that, thanks Cindy 🙂

  3. carlacapriles March 14, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

    Hi!! I think you have good points on your essay, I like when you say that when the external circumstances that made us happy change, our happiness rapidly vanishes and we realize it was never there 🙂
    The title goes with the essay but maybe it could be a bit more creative, in order to hook a reader, if you dont want to change the tittle including a strong hook in the introduction might be helpful. About being persuasive I think a lot could improve in your essay by deleting words like “I believe” or “I think”, just say your thoughts as if they were facts, since they are to you 🙂 sometimes a little wording goes a long way.

    • irmiita March 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm #

      Thank you Carla for your feedback 🙂

  4. eng1spr2012 March 23, 2012 at 1:58 pm #

    Hello, Irma. My comments are a few hours late. Here we go:

    Can you hook the reader with a quote or an example or a story? Use something that relates to your topic about the internal nature of happiness.

    I feel like you contradict yourself in the introduction. Right before the thesis you claim that we view happiness differently because we were raised in different cultures. Isn’t this an external influence? Then, in your thesis, you claim that happiness is an internal process. Somehow you need to synthesize that contradiction. Is happiness purely internal? Both internal and external. You can use qualification to limit the scope of your argument, but be sure that your thesis reflects the reality that you are attempting to portray.

    In general, you need more support. Remember that I asked for a minimum of four sources.

    Be sure that your body paragraphs reflect your thesis. How does expectation fit in with your thesis about happiness being internal? Use topic sentences, transitions, and explanations to connect your ideas back to the thesis. Or is your essay really about how expectation affects happiness? If this is the case, you may need to go back and alter your thesis.

    Whatever you choose to do, you should include refutation to address objections to your position. Then, you should develop a conclusion that explores the implications of your thesis for the reader. How should they pursue happiness if they accept that your thesis is true? In other words, what are the implications of your argument for your readers?

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